nose bleeds are for pussys

hello friends. i have survived wandering septum surgery. it was not pretty. or easy. or without its complications. but that is behind us. lets talk about nose bleeds. like the kind that looks like a horror movie. and how bout pain meds. when you take so many you hallucinate and wonder if you are awake, asleep or dead. or about how you thought it was going to be like getting your wisdom teeth out....remember last summer.....you would be sitting around knitting and reading and watching awful tv. that wisdom teeth stuff was pretty fun.

not so with the nose. the real horror show began on thursday, 4 days after surgery. greg came in and sat down on the bed....and nosebleed from hell began. i got freaked out cuz i didn't want no more of this shit. i was done. my nose hurt. i could barely breath. i had some kind of splints, shints, i dunno up my nose. and i was miserable and off pain meds.

greg ran me up to the doc. after hours. im glad he answered. after knocking frantically on the office door, a nurse opened up. doc led me to his office. greg sits beside me. and i only WISH we had a video camera. doc starts sticking suction tubes up my nose. says he can't really see -- so says: i'm going to take the shints, shunks (?) out. tells me to hold a tray under my nose. he pulls out these 3 inch long plastic things. first one. my legs are sticking straight out and i'm restraining myself from grabbing onto his white doctor coat. then the other.

greg says: wow.

doc grabs suction and jams them up my nose. later greg says it looked like my brains were being sucked out through the tubes. a couple minutes later. doc stands back. my fingernails are still embedded in the chair. and greg has a look of horror and fascination on his face.

i say: fuck.

doc says. feel better? i say uh yes. i blink a couple times. thank him. a few times i thank him. and the nurse. and we walk out.

i am now thrilled that the nose bleed happened. cuz those awful things are out of my nose. otherwise, i had 4 more days of them. i would have been a slobbering maniac if i had to deal with those things 4 more days.

we go home. and its time to celebrate. lets drink.

that's kinda how it went. i dunno what it is with the nose. maybe someone should have told me! maybe not. i had a few people (MY MOM INCLUDED) tell me afterwards they knew people that had this surgery and had all kinds of problems. but whatevers.

done. im back on the bike. even in the scorched earth temperatures we are experiencing in texas. bring it. i'm just glad to be back on the bike. and up. and breathing.

and yah. it all worked. go have the surgery if you need it. its hell. but whats a little hell for some good ol nostril breathing.

you are golden. really.